By Cintia Stirling, author of Love On Hold
I was asked this question recently by a single girl who wanted to discern if a man who was pursuing her came from God. "This is a short question, with a very long answer," I said, "but to put it in a simple way, for man to come from God, he first needs to be a man who Fears the Lord; this means a man who knows, loves, serves and obeys God." She continued with other questions which made me realize that the man who was pursuing her was not even a believer, but she is. She wanted to make that relationship work, because she had already invested her heart and emotions in it. But how could we form a successful godly relationship with someone who doesn't even understand our faith? How could a man protect and cherish a woman's heart in the love of Christ, if he doesn't have a relationship with God?
I believe that the desire of God is that all of us have a loving, Christ-centered marriage that honors and glorifies His name. But the only way that this could happen is when both people have wholeheartedly given up their lives to God and are actively pursuing ways to cultivate and grow their relationship with Him.
I say to all singles ladies, "If a man accepts to go to church with you, that doesn't make him a godly man. Even if he goes to church by himself, that doesn't make him a godly man either. If he says he is a believer and attends a Bible study, that's not enough. Why? Because godliness is a condition of the heart that results from having a relationship with God, not an activity that you do."
So how can you know if a man is a godly man? The most important indicator is that he will have a personal relationship with God. He will seek His direction, will walk in obedience to Him and will try to honor Him in everything he does.
How can you know if that godly man is someone you should start a relationship with? There are a few things that need to happen before you give your heart away to someone. Let me outline a few things that I consider very important:
First, he needs to pursue you. God will never send a man your way that you need to pursue in any way, shape or form.
He needs to be clear and honest about his intentions towards you from the beginning. Does he want just to be just friends? Does he want you to be his girlfriend? Does he want to court you? Does he want to marry you? Establishing the goal for the relationship is key and will avoid much pain and confusion in the future.
He should be a man who strives to protect your heart and who will not play with your feelings.
He should be a man who treats you with respect, physically, emotionally and verbally.
He should be a man who is willing to honor your parents by asking their permission/blessing to start a relationship with you.
Wow, it doesn't sound easy to find such a man, right? But let me assure you, men like these DO exist! And they are looking for a godly woman that they can make their wife!
The big question is: WHERE ARE THEY!? Well, the great majority of them gather and attend places where they can seek and serve God, such as: Churches, bible studies, ministries, Christian retreats, Christian conferences. But you can also find them everywhere else: running businesses, at school, playing at sport teams, in politics, in the medical field, you name it.
You need to do your part to find such a man. You need to be a woman who fears the Lord also. If Christ is not the foundation upon which you build your relationship, it will be very weak, unable to stand firm in times of crisis of trouble. Finally, you need to allow the Holy Spirit lead you and guide you to that person. Praying continually for your future husband will do this and much more.
How to seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in the process of finding love? How to hear His voice? How to discern when a man is coming with the wrong intentions? These and many other questions I address in my book Love On Hold: Waiting on the Man of God.
If you got something out of this blog post, this is just the tip of the iceberg! Get the tools you need to navigate your journey as a single woman with Love On Hold.
For the love you truly deserve,
Cintia Stirling
